Today i decide

today i decide i will kill my hope
with the reality that is staring in my face, i will cope
today i decide, i will start living for myself, my happiness alone
because the deepest hurt is given by people you call your own
today i decide, i will weave dreams new
and i will ensure that each and everyone of them comes true
today i decide, i dont need others to bring happiness in my world
i am all i have for me,Dear Heart, i hope you heard
today i decide, i will not let sorrow pull me down
no matter what, i will carry on my face, a smile, not a frown
today i decide, i will love myself more than anyone else
clear the space for myself, where currently someone else dwells
today i decide, i will cherish every moment
leave all the hurt behind, for no action repent
today i decide, i will revive the child inside of me
live like a free bird, set myself free
today i decide, i will not shed a single precious tear anymore
i want to believe that my life has finally found its shore
today i decide, i will learn to love myself more than yesterday, less than tomorrow
so that all i have around me is peace, happiness and smiles, not a drop of sorrow

Lack of courage

sometimes i am amazed at my ability to fool myself. i behave as though everything is perfect within me, i am happy, i am cheerful, everything is so fine in my perfect little world...and i almost start believing its true. until the pain starts oozing out...first in trickles and ultimately it turns into a tsunami so huge that it drowns all the makeshift happiness i have created within me. i never knew before that i was a coward.whatever situations that life has thrown at me, i would face it upfront.Sensitive though i am, i would fall, break and somehow put the broken pieces of my soul back together.but the point is i would face the situation fully conscious of the fact that it would shatter me.but you dont reach the shore until you have battled the waves.but this time the difference is i am not ready to step in to the wading waters. the waves have thrown me off course once and i have not been able to pick all my shattered pieces together...and am afraid to step in again........either i have to dissolve the desire to reach the shore or just wade in battle the waves and either drown or emerge victorious. but am afraid to drown, afraid to try....what i need is some courage which i never felt i lacked.......but this is a different situation...and its a different me.........

wish i could end the wait once and for all
i managed to get up from the brutal fall
but i am stuck to the place of mishap even now
waiting eternally for the white dove

i tried drilling sense into me
i have even let go, set everything free
but within my heart lies a spark of hope
howmuchever i try it wont drop

i showed it the practical side
told it the sea is too deep and wide
yet it tells me u will cross and reach the shore
just keep on trying some more

how do i try, what do i do?
i am paralysed, i have no clue
it breaks my heart everyday to kill
but the hope is too strong willed

my tears have dried, there is a numbness now
i thought i was my best friend, turns out am the worst foe
i cant tell ne1 what am goin through,i show everything is fine
how can i replace something so rare, so pure, so divine

i firmly believe what is meant will happen for sure
someday i will,of my sorrows, be cured
but till then how do i stop waiting
can i get a hint that i will get what i have been wanting