nothing to lose

what is there to lose
when u have nothing to choose
everything leaves u after awhile
and ur left empty handed, walking alone mile after mile


deep down in the ocean of the heart
which has been into bits torn apart

runs a stream of sorrow

which wishes day in day out that there would be no tomorrow

the sound deafens amidst so much chatter

of dreams that have into bits shattered

camouflaged under the tears of laughter

flows the river of pain, drowning the hope that flutters

the numbness that creeps in due to extreme pain

makes u feel ur living life in vain

there is nothing to lose now,nothing to gain

just the stillness of life, forlorn and disdain

Caught in the fairytale of life

more than a year later, am back to writing a blog. its been quite sometime since i wrote something. call it being caught up in the race of becoming something, or doing things the way they are supposed to be done, or losing track of what i really want to do.things have never worked for me the way they were supposed to. whenever i have wanted something, it would just drift away further and further from me. and everytime i would convince myself its all for good, something better is in store. weirdly i have a positive approach towards life.there is alwaz a lingering hope which keeps pushing me forward. but everytime i have to get down my hopes, because i would soon realize i am not going to get what i want. its not so easy. strong though i am, am equally sensitive too. the process of putting back the broken pieces of my soul is long and tedious.

i have alwaz wanted to believe in fairy tales, the ones with happy endings, where the prince fights with the villains putting an end to the torments of the sweet beautiful innocent princess, and then they live happily ever after.but what if ur the prince, the princess and the villain too? i have alwaz thought my life will have a happy ending too. but its crazy, things neva happen my way and the main reason for this is, i am my biggest enemy. u can fight with the world and win, but when u r pitted against urself, ur a loser anyhow. i have a weakness and i keep making the same mistakes again and again coz am a princess! and then when am in super deep trouble, i try to save myself coz am a prince! but who has created all this trouble for the princess the villain ME! i have no clue if there is ever going to be a cure for this...i am tired of playing these multiple roles, sometimes i want to be the prince, sometimes a princess, and yes sometimes a villain for others, but not all the three together!  right now am the princess who needs to be saved from the villain me, and am searching for my prince charming.the prince within me has gone for a journey to the center of the earth (watched that muvi yday!) any takers who can save me from me????